Duncan's Blog

SUCKED INTO THE TEA VORTEX

 

Ahhhhhhhhh

I’m getting sucked into the tea vortex and I don’t think I’ll ever claw my way back out. Once it sucks you in it is very difficult to go backwards because tea leaves, good tea leaves, transform the most boring substance on the planet into somthing as exotic as flavored unicorn tears.

The names of the various teas work equally as well as necromancer names: “Maharaja Oolong,” Lapsang Souchong,” ” Earl Gray” All could be characters in an HP lovecraft story about summoning tentacled overlords from the subteranean depths. And the taste of weird loose leaf tea is Like taking deep breaths of air that vanished a long time ago when the world was young and talking nymphs wandered the woodlands and children were sacrificed on floating pyramids. I.E The good old days.

The ritual of tea is alchemical. Somewhere in the process of boiling water, scooping the tea from the jar, placing the tea leaves in the tea pot,and adding water and waiting for it to steep, you fall into a minor trance. A calmness falls over you and at last when the water pours from the tip of the tea kettle it’s as though an angel is pissing flavored holy water into your cup.

I’ve gone tea insane. Is this because I am now missing one of my testicles? Will I start to wear kimonos soon? I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. The tea vortex is pulling me down into it. And there are black cats in the tea vortex. And weird haircuts. And wind chimes. And DIY wall fountains. And somewhere in there you start practicing Tai Chi. Basically you turn into an elderly asian woman.

Which is fine with me.… read more

01/30/13

Straight Bloggin, yo Woop Woop!

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 STRAIGHT BLOGGING, YO WOOP WOOP!

 
 
“Damn D-Dohg where did you get this here glue?” Asked Big. “I mean it’s got me all fucked up for real, homie.” D-Doghs voice sounded all high and soft. Like a talking queef or some shit.
 
“Roswell,  bitch.” Said D-Dawg 
 
“Roswell, get the fuck out of here with that alien shit ” Said Big.
 
“Yo, Big you got glue in your beard, homie.” I told him. Looks like some clown skeeted in that shit. 
 
“Nah G-Man, you know it’s glue.” Said Big.
 
“That’s what the fuck she said!” I said and we all fell out and rolled around laughing our asses off.
 
When we got done falling out, and shit,  Big  started wiping his beard but his hand got stuck. He tugged it this way then tugged it that way but his hand was cold stuck tight all up in that clown beard, yo.
 
“What the fuck, homies, I can’t get my hand up out of beard now. Woop Woop.” Said Big 
 
“I told you Big. This shit aint being like normal glue.  You fucked now. that shit aint never coming out.” Said D-Dohg 
 Big yanked some more but the more he yanked the more it seemed like his hand sunk down deeper into his beard. It was all fucked up   looking like silly putty and shit.
 
“Dude you’re hand’s all melted up into your face, homie.” I said.  ”Damn D-Dawg why you gotta go bringing alien glue to the gathering?” I asked him.
 
That’s when  D-Dawg had started crying, for real. Just crying like a baby in front of all us homies in that tent and shit.
 
“You don’t understand.” he said all whimpery like a bitch and … read more
01/27/13